A Place of Silence Becomes a Place of Joy

 Last Thursday, SFA Volleyball was focused on not looking past the University of New Orleans before the circled date on the calendar versus Southeastern Louisiana emerged a few days later. Personally, I was focused on not looking past all the work on the academic and consulting side of my life before two matches to call and then preparation for the current Louisiana road trip. Deadlines were building up, my wife had slipped and broken her foot while the team was in Corpus Christi the week before, the pile of tests to grade had grown tall and my beloved San Diego Padres had been eliminated from the MLB playoffs.

Currently, we are right smack in the middle of both the volleyball season and the Fall semester. The calendar turning to October signals that life probably won’t begin to slow down until Thanksgiving Break settles in. Among the busyness, the wonderful people I work with on the athletics staff had constructed a set of promotional themed days to generate interest from fans in anticipation of certain matches. One night we gave out team posters, another date celebrated Parent’s Weekend and yet another had a Western theme. But one that resonated with me – 80’s Rock Day – was scheduled to go down last Saturday. We advertised it as “Turn up the volume for a retro blast from the past. The first 100 fans will receive inflatable guitars to rock out in the stands.” 

I weaseled my way into both helping to pick the track list for the songs that would be played before and during the match and (probably wrongfully) convinced a few folks to let me lead a hype promo video for the date. Our volleyball SID and Assistant Director of Communications Amanda Paver had set up a time on Thursday before the UNO match for me to meet with the uber-talented Sarah Williams, our Director of Creative Video to shoot the promo video. Equipped with my giveaway inflatable guitar, my vintage Rush concert T-shirt and my usual bravado behind any mic or camera, I showed up early to the meeting in Shelton Gym with Sarah.

Then something happened.

Alone in Shelton Gym I found myself wandering to center court. I stood there by myself, right about where the “star” that signifies Nacogdoches in the SFA logo was painted on our new Taraflex floor. I took a few deep breaths and let the built-up stress of the aforementioned events and deadlines go. It was a moment of silence.

I could hear the echo of my cough and the shuffle of my shoes radiate through the gym. It was bright and that illumination somehow temporarily washed away the to-do list. My mind quickly changed over to how lucky I am to get to “do this” – to do all of what I am fortunate to do at home and at SFA. I knew later that day it would not be silent in that gym and that our gals – and our opponents – would be moving around on the same spaces where I stood silently taking the whole empty gym atmosphere in.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just stand still and let silence pour over you and it feels like weight just floats away? The serenity of being in that space, in the center of that floor with the stands idly looking down at me was just a moment for me to recenter myself and if you’ll allow – to count my blessings a bit. It was kind of like a small dream. 

Then, I woke up.

My mind said “Why are you standing out here in the middle of this floor looking like you are doing a commercial for laundry detergent? Twirling all around looking at lights and dreaming fanciful things? Wake up, you big idiot.”

Then, I went and sat down again, almost half embarrassed that I had my little private moment out on the floor. What if someone saw me? I’m sure I looked weird standing there gazing at the ceiling and scoreboards and stands. Oh well, Sarah will be here soon, and we’ll do this hype video.

Sure enough, Amanda texted that Sarah was on her way. Once she arrived, two takes later and we had a crazy video of me yelling about Van Halen and inflatable guitars and rocking out and whatever else I said.

I’ve never been afraid to put myself out there and make myself a target. My reasoning is always – it’s for “them.”  It’s for the team. If it’s ridiculous, who cares? Be willing to make fun of yourself. Amanda texted later in the day and said she cracked up when she watched the recording. I wrote her back and said that I make it a conscious priority to try to have as many days where I am both “serious” and “ridiculous” in adjacent moments. I had at least succeeded in that endeavor while in Shelton Gym filming that promo video.

A few hours later, it was back to serious as Brittany Castledine and I were in full “prepare for battle” mode going over television notes and graphics before the ESPN+ broadcast of the UNO match. The inflatable guitar had been traded for my laptop and the concert T-shirt replaced by a light red long-sleeve button down shirt. The aggressive yelling about “rockin’ with Dokken” had been changed out for less aggressive yelling about how we were going to come on the air with feature player videos. Honestly, I had forgotten about the Cinderella moment on the star at midcourt hours earlier.

But then… in Set 2… “Now into the match for your Ladyjacks, #9, Izabella Ortiz”.

Wait.

Did I hear the public address announcement correct through my headphones? After all, listening to all that Def Leppard and Ozzy Osbourne as a teen (and adult) has left me with some measure of hearing loss. Were my eyes deceiving me here as well? No. They were not. Bella is back. Last year, in November, Bella had a season ending knee injury just weeks before the 2024 Southland Conference Tournament. 

You could feel the energy in that gym. Brittany and I were stunned yet elated. I knew Bella was getting close to returning as she had said as much to me at a practice in Corpus Christi the week before. But I didn’t know that she would play that night. And play she did. It would have been enough if she had just got in the match and successfully ran a few plays and attempted to block a few balls. Instead, an instant impact was made. In her one-and-a-half sets, she knocked down five kills on eight swings without an error. She also chipped in on a stuff block right in front of where Brittany and I were stationed across from the benches. It was glorious.

When the match ended in a quick sweep of the Privateers, it was clear that my post-match interview needed to be with Ortiz – just to get her thoughts on making the long journey back. The team huddled up and listened to Coach Humphreys make her comments about the night’s work. I signed off the broadcast, grabbed my interview microphone out of my backpack, and began to drift over towards the team circle. They talked. I found where Bella was standing. I waited. They prayed. I turned on the interview mic and stood about ten feet behind where Bella had circled up. The team prayer ended, and she turned around after releasing hands with her teammates in the circle.

Then I knew.

Then I knew why earlier in the day I had stood out there by myself and gazed. Then I knew why I had wandered out to that star at center court and thought about blessings and what I “get to do” and experience. The moment became a full circle.

When Bella turned to walk away I was there with the microphone, but also with a hug of support. I, actually we, were standing in the same place I had been hours earlier by myself. At center court – right at the painted star in the SFA logo. I can only assume that she needed that moment of cathartic release. There is no telling all that she must have been thinking in that instant, but we all knew it was the end of a long road back -and the beginning of a new chapter. That hug lasted a while. It had tears. It had smiles.

I was just the lucky one. I was just there. Someone she knew. Someone that was a familiar face. Just one of the “support” staff. A title I gladly wear. I was just the person in the right spot at the right time to receive some of the outpouring of all that emotion that was welled up inside that needed a place to go. Among all the moments that we’ve had in the 2025 season so far and all the ones that I hope we will have in the next few months, that hug with Bella will stay with me for a long time. At that moment, it wasn’t about stats, numbers, charts, and graphs and all the things I love to explore regarding volleyball. It was about joy.

A place of silence had become a place of joy.

I highly recommend wandering among stars and being still. It might just increase your joy.

 

 

Flexibility, Depth or Both?

I've been thinking this week about the meaning of a "flexible roster" versus a "deep team" as SFA travels to San Antonio to get the 2025 campaign underway.  Both phrases are common to hear in pre-season interviews with players and coaches.  You've heard it before: "I think we have a really flexible roster this year and I think it will pay dividends as we get closer to November".  Or, maybe: "We have a deep team.  I can count on my teammates to pick me up if I have an off night."

But, what do these terms really mean?  Or, are they just fun words players, coaches and fans like to throw out there to keep the conversations going?  Everybody always just nods their heads and moves on when someone starts talking about roster depth or team flexibility.

So, let's try and get into this because I think possibly our club this year may possess both characteristics.  But first, let me state that I don't think these two terms are the same.  They do sometimes get used interchangeably, but I really think we are talking about two different things here.

For instance, a team might have two athletes that are regular starters and each is fully capable of holding down either a right side or middle blocker spot.  The issue isn't whether one will play often - the issue is which will play MB and which will play RS.  This isn't a depth situation.  This only calls into focus these two players ability to be flexible across two positions that share some measure of similarity in that they require a strong blocking presence.

So, with the acceptance that the terms aren't necessarily the same, let's explore both concepts for the 2025 roster here at SFA.  Three examples of flexibility that come to mind for our squad are Molly Cravens, Kennedy Jones and Caroline Kahle.  Both at the end of last year and in the recent scrimmage, these athletes have shown fluidity between various positions.  Jones was deployed on the left side during '24, but in part because of Cravens shift to the middle, Jones now has an avenue to playing time as a right side attacker.  On the topic of Cravens, let me say that she is one of the players that jumped out to me when I first started watching a few fall practices.  She is clearly stronger and appears slightly quicker.  Her conditioning between last year and this fall clearly has paid dividends.  I like what I see from her shifting to the middle and I feel like she'll be quite at home there.  Now, concerning Kahle, we saw last year that she is flexible enough to both hold down the libero jersey if called on there or to play on the outside, albeit with more of a ball control focus than being a huge scoring threat.

While there is some additional flexibility present in some of the newcomers to the team, the primary root of flexibility comes in some shape or form through Cravens, Jones and Kahle.  So, what are the questions related to this quality?  First, will Jones settle in and play consistently as a right side?  Can she contribute both offensively and defensively and shore up the reps opposite Katherine Holtman's trips across the front row?  If yes, super.  The right side should be all six rotation strong.  If not, will that necessitate Cravens shifting back or one of the young guns stepping up into the roll?

Secondly, where will Cravens fall in the middle blocker depth?  Let's wait on that, because Molly is involved in both the flex and depth part of my breakdown.  So, third:  Will TWU transfer Luna Franca stay steady in the libero jersey?  If so, Kahle can stand ready to stabilize passing and sub for an off outside hitter when called on off the bench.  To use a basketball analogy, Kahle can comfortably be the teams' "sixth man" - able to flexibly fill multiple needs as a "first off the bench" type piece.  One thing to really like about Franca:  she's a good court communicator and aggressive in her back row approach.  It's easy to see a maturity there and so the issue should rest rather firmly with her ability to consistently pass so we can run the offense at the speed desired. Okay, that seems to cover the nucleus of the flexibility.

Alright, what about depth?  Here, we are talking about multiple players able to play the SAME role rather than changing to have differing responsibilities.  Since Cravens is in the overlap, let's state that right now the middle for SFA does look at least cleanly three deep.  Which pair of 2024 SLC 1st teamer Kyanna Creecy, Cravens and returning sophomore Jordan Henderson holds down the two starting middle spots could be interesting to watch as the season progresses.  By nature of Creecy's previous accomplishments I think she rightfully deserves the space to stay atop the depth chart, but Henderson should push for playing time and the team may encounter periods during the year where differing combinations of middles are flip-flopped and tried to see which is most efficient.  This position gets ridiculously deep again once senior Bella Ortiz is ready to go.

Setter?  Again, there seems to be three-fold depth.  Flynn is playing every night she's healthy.  But again, similar to second and third on the depth chart in the middle, sophomore Cambry Saul and transfer sophomore Zoe Gun give the team options for the second setter in our 6-2.  Saul got the nod in the scrimmage, and I expect her to get the start to open the season. Gun got a lot of reps in the spring season since she was on campus and so her connection with the majority of the hitters is also well established.  One weapon that gives Cambry an edge could be her serve.  Saul put up 21 aces last year and had some memorable runs behind the service line.  To push Saul aside, Gun would need to both run the offense well and play solid floor defense.  I don't think it unrealistic that there could be some mixing and matching at this spot during the year, especially considering how demanding it is to be a setter in this system.

Any depth to be found in left side attack would probably have to come from either Jones moving back to that spot - either by necessity or when Ty Joseph would return and earn court time again - or from newcomers.  As is sits, the left-side attack is fairly straightforward.  Senior Cam Hill and UTRGV grad transfer Illana DeAssis have the two spots covered.  We've seen Hill be productive for three years and DeAssis was stellar in the valley earning first team all conference honors last year.  More than that, DeAssis was second in the Southland in kills per set, so it would take a lot to move either off their role.  With really only Jones having experience in purple on the left, if Kennedy takes hold of the right, then the depth on the left would be tested in anything unforeseen happens to either Hill or DeAssis.  Again, behind the tandem of their experience is just newcomers that show promise but would be thrown into a pretty demanding scenario minus Cam or Illana.

There also is not much depth at libero.  It's Franca or Kahle right now.  It's a stretch - at least at this point - to see anyone else having that assignment. The team would love to see Franca seize the role and never look back. 

So, in summary for the depth concept:  At middle and setter, it appears some nice level of depth is there.  When Bella Ortiz and Ty Joseph get back the depth at middle and right side obviously increases.  The left side is for Hill and DeAssis to run with having both potential and question marks behind and libero is Franca's to get with Kahle able to stabilize.

So, do the 'Jacks have more flexibility than depth?  More depth than flex?  Or, do they have both?  Flexibility, Depth or Both?  I guess that's for you to interpret for now and all of us to discover between now and Thanksgiving.

Both opening matches this weekend from San Antonio are available here at the blog on radio.  Just hit the radio button at the of the page at 6:00 PM Friday night and 11:00 AM Saturday morning and you'll be a part of getting this 2025 season officially underway.

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